Ramblings

Okay, so I saw a post a friend did where she called it "consiousness streaming" or somthing like that, where you just kind of spew out all the thoughts going through your head, I thought I would try it. Bear with me, you don't have to read on if you don't want to.

I want to be a better blogger....especially at my family blog
I love to record our lives and don't want to forget them
I wish I was more patient with Emma, I lvoe her and am proud of her, but sometimes I jsut don't want to be with her, and it's not her fault, it's mine...she is such a precious gift from God, I need to protect her and love her and be her best mom. I need to do that she deserves it, she is such a wonderful girl, and I don't always treat her that way
My Nathan is so sweet, and does he ever love his Mama, I am trying to treasure everyday of that, because I know it won't always be that way, he will someday be embarasses of me and I won't always be his best girl, he won't always be willing to give me the million hugs and kisses that I need every day to survive.
Heavenly Father has blessed me with so much, I have had such an outpouring of love and blessings and I can't even say that I always appreciate them, more often I take them for granted, I want to be better at showing my gratitude and increasing my faith.
I am really missing my family right now, I go through periods of this, sometimes I just ache because I miss my sister and my parents so much and my grandparents, especially my grandma. she was my savior in more ways than one, she was such an incredible lady, and i knew that even when she was alive i would have told you that, death has not made her a saint to me, she already was one. no one can tell me that time will heal the wound, it doesn't it just makes it pain me less often. i need to be a better wife and mother, my family needs it, i need it. i love my kiddos and my hubby so much, i need to treat them that way. boy is this a downer post to read, sorry, just kind of the place i'm in right now. going to get my "yearly" tomorrow, ugh! that about explains that (now aren't you glad you know what i'm doing tomorrow). i want to craft, but my supplies (and my entire house for that matter) are so unorganized that i am drowning in them. i am in desperate need of cleaning and organization and especially dejunking help, but i don't have anyone to ask who would have time and who i wouldn't be embarassed to have see my clutter and dirt. my dad told me once that if the stat saw my house, they would take my kids away, and he's probably right. i don't beat my kids, but how good is it for them to live in a pig sty. i need some gold old fashioned elbow grease and some motivation to just make it happen. i need to catch up the blog with at least some pictures of the holidays (hint, hint Micki, email me Christmas pictures). i love the way i can connect to others lives through blogging, but i hate that sometimes i can't see them in person. i need to cook at home more and eat out less. i am going to end this rambling now, and hope you don't think less of me. if you do, oh well, this venting was for me to feel better, not you. praying for Amie...you WILL pass this time. love and kisses to all!